Where Did My Worth Go?

Article

Dr. John Slate, Ph.D. explores why at some point in life, many people begin asking a question they never expected to ask: What happened to me? They remember a time when they felt more confident, more willing to take chances, or simply more comfortable being themselves. Now they hesitate. They question decisions that once would have seemed simple, compare themselves with other people, replay mistakes, or depend upon reassurance before trusting what they already know.

Eventually, a deeper question can emerge: Where did my worth go?

It can certainly feel as though we lost it. A failed relationship can change how we see ourselves. Losing a job can shake an identity that took decades to build. Financial problems, aging, rejection, criticism, illness, disappointment, or one painful mistake can suddenly make us question qualities that we rarely questioned before

Where Did My Worth Go?

Worksheet

There is an enormous difference between saying, I made a mistake, and saying, I am a mistake. The first statement describes something I did. The second attempts to describe who I am.

That small change in language can represent a much larger change in identity. When we are emotionally healthy, we can usually recognize that human beings make poor decisions, misunderstand situations, hurt people, fail at important things, and occasionally travel quite a distance down the wrong road. A wrong turn may require us to stop, accept responsibility, change direction, repair damage, or begin again, but a wrong turn is not the same thing as the end of the road.

Where Did My Worth Go?

Podcast

One way to expand our sense of worth is to remember the life we have already lived.

Most people have what we might call war stories—not necessarily dramatic stories, but experiences that required something from us. There were difficult seasons we survived, responsibilities we carried when we did not feel ready, losses we endured, problems we solved, people we helped, frightening decisions we made, and moments when we continued despite wanting to quit.

The final message of Where Did My Worth Go? makes that point clearly: when worth is tied to feelings and changing conditions, it becomes uncertain because feelings and circumstances are always moving.

Go Deeper

To go deeper and learn about the underlying pattern, needs and recovery, look at this chapter from Dr. Slate's book: Self-Worth Transformation Course Workbook.